If I were a habitual drinker, I would have given it up immediately.

I started a fire in my kitchen last night while trying to make the kids popcorn. Wanna know how I did it?

I forgot that you never want to leave your oil on the stovetop on high. This is a lesson I should have learned long ago, but I usually remember, while making popcorn, that you're only supposed to set your eye to medium. It had been a while, I guess.

And I couldn't find the baking soda to put the durn thing out. I had to throw the lid on there instead.

Thankfully, no popcorn was lost in the conflagration, no flesh was burnt, and no kitchen surfaces destroyed. I remembered to deprive the flame of oxygen long enough to set it on the steps outside and find the many, many boxes of baking soda I had stashed away. I didn't need the baking soda by then, but poured it on in quantity anyway.

I made a smaller batch of popcorn later and learned a new trick, thanks to Elise Bauer, of my favorite cooking blog, SimplyRecipes.com. After the popcorn has popped, you pour it out into a bowl, then you put your butter in the pan the popcorn popped in to melt it. It worked beautifully, the butter melted into a lovely froth, plus it saved me one more dish to wash. Thank you very much.

No more kitchen fires, please.