On Being Intimidated, But Not Complacent

I looked up the Riverwood Presbyterian website yesterday to see when VBS was scheduled for the year, afraid that I had missed it. I spent the next thirty minutes making exclamations to Michael about the content of their site. Did you know that Riverwood Presbyterian in Tuscaloosa publishes it's own magazine quarterly? I downloaded a copy of the most current issue last night. I haven't had a lot of time to examine it. They have a blog too, and I did get to read a little bit of that. What astonishes me is the way they are actively engaging the culture from an actual protestant Christian world view. Their book club has read Fear and Trembling by Soren Kierkegaard this year, which I read in isolation over the course of nine months. How nice would it have been to know that there were people in town who were reading the same thing who I could talk to about it? Really nice. Although I look at some of their stuff and become intimidated. Last year I was amazed by the contents of their book table, which was located in back of the sanctuary. It contained poetry, theology, and The Complete Short Stories of Flannery O'Connor, which certainly caught my attention, she being one of the Catholic authors I admire. In my prejudice I hardly expected a Presbyterian church, that I have reason to believe is orthodox in their theology (and I consider this a good thing), to take seriously a Catholic author. I've become so accustomed to the snide anti-Catholic remarks of certain protestant pastors. Their book club actually read Walker Percy's The Second Coming earlier this year, a book that has been sitting on my bookshelf ready to be read since last summer.

I feel simultaneously thrilled and threatened. Threatened because I have fears that my intellect and ability are a fraud. If I'm going to be transparent about anything, I may as well be transparent about that. That is my greatest insecurity, that the one thing that seems to come naturally to me, the one thing I potentially do well is an unfortunate delusion, and that I can never hold my own against other intelligent and thoughtful people. Which language smacks of competition, you may notice. It's possible that anyone reading this may think I'm all intellectual and highbrow because I used the word post-structuralist in a comment to a previous post. I have in the past received indication that others are intimidated by what they think I know, or the way I think. My message to you is don't be. If you think I know things, it's only because I am very, very interested. If you think I think a lot, it's only because I do, because I can't help myself, but that doesn't attest to the quality of my thoughts. I have not yet reached a point of being comfortable with myself, the way that God created me to be which is all individual and difficult. Difficult for me. I do not wish to be difficult for you. I shouldn't be intimidated by the abilities of others, but I may as well share with you that I am. So many of us are, I think, and many feel isolated because of it. My challenge to you this morning is not to assume that someone who intimidates you in one way or another doesn't need your presence or your conversation. Most people I think just need someone to talk to, to care and to care for. Anyone have experience that attests to this?