Sunday night I walked into my friend's home for the very first time, and I was able to express my enthusiasm loudly, and without reserve. I don't usually feel so free, nor so immediately at home. I came home from the bible study that night full of excitement, but also with an ugly realization.
I see that I am very self-centered right now. There are modes of expression open to me at this time that rarely have been open before, and so I find myself talking a lot. Some of it is really worth-while, some of it is vainglorious, and some of it has to do with the fact that I am feeling connected at an unprecedented level.
These are good things over all, but I make this confession because I realize that it will take some time for me to balance listening and questioning with stating.
I worried about this, casually, for about half-an-hour, and then I realized that if I confess it, it will be that much easier to achieve an appropriate level of perspective.
On a related subject: I have not enjoyed a group of women so much since Becky Suarez invited me into her Bible Study when I was a Freshman in college.
5 comments:
My heart leaps within me to hear that you are feeling connected. I personally HATE those lonely seasons and they can feel like they go on forever. Feeling connected is a very precious, precious thing, in my opinion, and I'm so very thankful that you are feeling that way!!!!!
Shelly said......
Yeah! I'm so glad you had a great time. I struggle every time I leave somewhere about what I've said and what impression I've made due to people not really knowing me or understanding me. Just know that I loved everything you said and was truly excited to get to spend time with you in that group. I was a little "off color" although I normally am, so I'm sorry in advance for the next time. You are really cool and always fun to be with Kelly- ;)I enjoy you!
I enjoy your off-coloredness, Shelly.
I will quote Michael, "ROCK ON!!!!!!" This is great news that you are feeling connected with other women as never before.
I agree; confess the self-centeredness. It takes the seductive power right out of it. Then, you are free to continue with the good stuff you are doing, like blogging. :-)
I'm sorry I had to leave early, because I missed most of your comments. I was really glad when I saw you come in the door. I hope we'll be in the same group again soon!
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