Going back to something Jim and I were discussing earlier: I have long thought that it was my responsibility, in a small way perhaps, to show people that it is important that they mean what they say. The way I most typically highlight this is as follows: Someone asks me how I am in greeting, and I answer with a true, if brief, response. I'll often say something like, "This has been a particularly difficult day today. How are you?" I will do this in a very cheery voice so as to signal that the other person is under no obligation to pursue the matter. This way I can be truthful without burdening someone who isn't really interested.
Michael doesn't necessarily approve of my doing this.
I don't really care for the peremptory "How are you?" so if I really want to know how a person is I'll say "How are you doing?" in a tone of voice meant to signal that I truly am interested in how they are doing. Whether or not these signals are received really is the other persons problem, not mine.
More on this later.
8 comments:
I think my objection to the sincere answer to an obviously insincere question is something along the lines of "too much information." Knowing that most people aren't really interested in a person's welfare when asking how one is doing, I try to answer as truthfully as I can without scaring them away (unless I want to be alone, then scaring them away isn't such a bad idea to me at the time). This is best accomplished by being as brief as possible. So my usual answer to that insouciant question is "I'm breathin'." But I say it with a "thank you" tone of voice. And I don't usually respond by repeating the insincere question. However, I might supplement my response with a "what's goin' on?" or something of that nature. A non-prying, open-ended question is usually non-threatening and allows for an easier transition from casual protocol to the possibility of a real human connection, one with fewer self defense mechanisms.
Wow, there's a lotta vocabulary chasing around the Fox household! I truly enjoyed reading your 2 comments, wife and then husband. This all just goes to demonstrate how complex communication is. There you two are, using tone of voice and pre-determined wording, to send signals of interest or dismissal. I hope I'm smart enough to figure out which is which when I speak with you next! :) I hope you aren't offended by my poking fun, because I do the very same thing! I wonder if everyone has scripted protocols in their heads to be used for social encounters, or whether we are part of some small elite group of the hopelessly complex.
By the way, I frequently encounter error screens when I try to post to your blog. I have adapted by copying my response to the clipboard before I try to "publish" it, because it often gets dumped. I usually have to wait a couple of minutes, and then it works.
I think I tend to do the same thing. I don't tend to ask any variation of "How are you" unless I am interested in a sincere reply.
I've actually gotten the "I'm breathin'" response from Michael on several occasions. I guess this is the moment where I realize that when he was saying "I'm breathin'" what he meant was, "I do not believe you are sincere in your inquiry about my wellbeing." If I remember, I will make an effort to clarify my sincerity on future occasions. Oh well, I guess that is better than my original interpretation: "You are interrupting my respiration."
There was a period in time when David Griffith responded, "I'm adequate" to all such questions. I immediately ripped him off and managed to run that statement into the ground over the next few years.
HI-larious! It's good to start the morning laughing. Both Jamie's and D's responses made me laugh this morning.
Michael(cj) and I will probably always disagree on this subject. By the way, I WANT people to feel threatened, just not necessarily by me.
Sorry about the commenting issues. I have the same problem (with commenting; thankfully not with regular posting.
I've noticed this week that the internet can be life-sucking if I let it. Especially when I can't pull myself away.
"I WANT people to feel threatened." Ha! You are SO your father's daughter. That's a compliment, of course.
Taken as such!
I just laughed out loud at work... where it's very quiet. Thanks, brother!
Perhaps I'm just "used to" the 'I'm breathin' comment due to the fact that I'm your sister. However, in Church we learned that if you answer said obviously insincere question with a lie, i.e. - "I'm FINE (big cheesy grin)" that that's wrong and you should aways be honest no matter the question. Therefore, 'I'm breathin' simply means that today has been one of those days and, with the help of a snorkel, I have not drowned yet.
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