Earlier and Earlier Each Morning

I made the mistake of talking about Isaac's sleeping habits not once, not even twice maybe, but I think it was actually three times over the weekend. This I blame on the fact that he has woken up crying progressively earlier each night for the past three nights. Michael says it's Murphy's Law, and I'm not sure that anyone other than he and I could believe this, but ever since he was born, when I talk about it, the pattern gets broken. Isaac doesn't know I've talked about it, unless he senses it five miles away, but it always happens.

I'm getting that quiet and alone time to read and write, and so far I've been keeping a generally positive attitude, using the time I have, but we can't go on this way. He doesn't go to sleep immediately if I nurse him when he starts crying. I have to rock him after. And I suppose I've finally accepted that there's no point in my trying to go back to sleep. (I wish I'd slept well last night. I tried to go to bed really early, and partially succeeded, but still didn't actually go to sleep until Michael came to bed too. The storm didn't help, so even though I slept, I'm afraid I didn't sleep well.) We can't go on like this because as long as I'm getting up at 4:30 in the morning or earlier with Isaac, Michael and I won't be spending any time together after the children are in bed. That means no dates, no tv, no nothing. As much as I love my babies, I know that they need their parents to maintain their own relationship to really feel secure, and that requires time together without the children.

I'd go somewhere and walk at 5:00 if I knew there were someplace safe I could go, and if my shoes weren't locked up in a room with sleeping husband and infant. (I couldn't put Isaac back in with Parker for fear Parker will wake him up when he starts yelling for his Daddy later.) I'd go out and watch the sunrise except that I need plenty of light to read, and again because of the shoes. Yup. I don't really know what I'm going to do except drink more coffee than I usually do. At least I'm not lying in bed angry that I can't go back to sleep.